Jilted Wings

Wow, the last anniversary blew right past me...

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February 1, 2018.

Interesting, 

So January 6th, 2018 came and went and it wasn't until the 8th that I even realized it.  The 6th Anniversary of the monster holding me hostage and learning what EVIL feels like and looks like.  This means that I have healed.  This means that what happened on that day SIX YEARS AGO no longer rules my life or thoughts.  The injuries are ever present, so I never truly forget but it has become a way of life now and just is what it is.  The anger will always be there, that is because I need anger to stay alert and never let me guard down and be prepared.  However, I go about life not caring about that person anymore.  A few months ago, I got a ton of messages from my community about him being picked up yet again on a Post Prison Sanction and I have to remind them that I get notification from the State of Oregon when he is picked up for anything, but I am always blown away by the support of my community.  Thank you!

It will be 2 years this April since he has been released from prison, still has done nothing with his life.  This I am not surprised since he did nothing with his life before.  As much as I hate this man with every fiber of my being, my hope has always been he would change so that no one else would get hurt like me.  He is beyond sick in so many ways, and just the thought of what he is up to each day is sickening.  But, it is not my concern anymore, he is nothing but a horrific memory that thankfully is no longer a part of my or my children's life.  But truly a waste of breath and I will never understand why someone like him gets to live when so many wonderful people have to die.  It makes me angry at God.

My anger these days is towards a woman who thought that it was her right to take everything I had and that being a drug addict was a good enough reason.  Well, as usual, the court system thinks the same thing.  That story will be told at www.dearjenniffer.com when I am able to, a tale of serious deceit that will not go unpunished.  I used to be a woman of Karma, I never did anything against anyone, including my ex-husband.  I always believed the court system and karma would take care of it. I no longer believe that, I believe that I must watch out for myself, family and community on my own terms and am now karmas "little helper."  I even decided to stay living in this area just so I can be around to go to court and check up and hold the criminal and courts accountable.  I am currently working on my Paralegal Certification so I can spend every minute possible in the court system helping other people to stop people like these two.  It is my life's mission and the court system and those that have trespassed against me have made me who I am.  I am mean, I am angry and I won't ever allow anyone to do what you two have done to me and I am dedicating my life to ensure that not only you two but many others including judges, District Attorneys, etc. are held accountable to the best of my ability.  

There is going to be a day that each of you is going to say, "Damn, it would have been easier if I had just not done that or did my job in the case of the court system."  And it is going to be a glorious day.  Forever look over your shoulders as I am coming and I am not going anywhere until I have made these injustices right. 

Candy

 

Post 8 Another Anniversary...

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Again, it has been awhile.  Telling the story of my life with this man is easy, but when it comes to talking about the years in court, it is very hard. This is because I was victimized worse by the court system than anything this man ever did to me.  I have a lot of papers to go through in order to get the timeline down well enough to write about it.

But for today, it is the 5th anniversary of the day he decided to change the course of our lives.  I can hardly believe it has been 5 years and he has been out of prison since the end of April 2016.  I still have an entire community that keeps an eye out for him and lets me know whats going on.  Like sitting at the courthouse that is just over 1000 feet from my business with all the other homeless people. I often think that he believes by doing that it is taunting me when in reality it is not.  

As of November 1st, I closed my store after 17 years.  Tired of the constant barrage of crap still from the ex, selfish con artist employees and with my health failing more it was time.  I think its funny when John first went to the store what he thought.  I am sure in his sick brain thought I am a millionaire by now and have moved on but in reality, I lost everything because of him and many others after him.  So he can bask in that knowledge.  But honestly, I don't care.  I was forced to keep that store open for years, thousands of dollars were taken from me because of his bills, employees stealing and so forth. I wasn't even working for me anymore, I was lining everyone else's pockets.  So although I was financially devastated, I have much more than any of them could ever have.  Happiness, the love of my children, the ability to start over time and time again.  For the first time in my life, I am free from everyone, no one has any control over me, my finances or my life.  No one in the past would last 20 seconds in my life now and that I realize was the lesson.  With each of life's very expensive lessons, I have learned something but not enough to keep it from happening again.  Well, this time I did.  And I spent the last two days letting it all go.  

I am far from the person I was 5 years ago and so thankful for the hardships that got me here, they were worth the price.  I have so much great stuff in my life and so much to look forward to.  I never forget to keep my guard up and I am always prepared to protect myself without hesitation but I DO NOT FEAR ANYONE any longer.  And that feels good.  I take joy in the thoughts of the hardships that those that have trespassed against me, my family and my business will be taken care of by the universe.  I don't have to worry about that and I often get to see it with my own eyes which is an added bonus.

So this day of remembrance gets easier and easier with each passing year.  But I never forget, nor will I ever forgive but I have the strength to move on and let things be the way they are going to be.  I worry about me, my family and my health for the very first time in my life.  And it feels good.  I could not have done it without the one thing that, my trespassers do not have, the support of my children, my family, my community and many friends near and far.  For that I am truly thankful!! 

TODAY and EVERY DAY going forward I will remain FIERCE in my life and keep those that trespass out of and from entering my life ever again. The lesson is duly notated for this hard-headed Taurus.  Yahoo!

 

Post 7: What he did to her....

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Sorry that it has been some time since I have posted.  He has been out of prison for just over two months and I am still getting used to the idea that this monster of a man is just walking the streets.  A few weeks ago he violated his parole and was sent back to jail for two days.  When I called the Parole Officer and asked what happened all she said was that he broke the rules and she sent him to jail for a couple days.  I asked what he did and was told that I am only a victim so I cannot know.  

This infuriates me.  Am I only a victim?  A victim with very few rights and whatever this man does affects me, my children and our community.  Yet, everywhere I have called the door is shut on me.  More laws to be changed!

On with the story...

Court hearing after court hearing, each time it was continued over and over for some lame reason that John and his attorney came up with. He didn't have his glasses, he didn't understand the papers, anything to continue it.  The first 6 months I barely remember and it was later that year that my daughter came to me to tell me what John had done to her.  This was after she went to the police to tell them. And once again, the finger was pointed at me that I had her make it up so he would get in trouble.  I was floored, angry and quite honestly he was lucky he was in jail and remained so. I would never even have thought to do something like that, put my child through any of this.  My daughter does not know how to lie, and John, as well as his family, know this for a fact.  Shame on every single one of you.  That means that the sexual abuse and domestic violence you witnessed was not real either, how can we believe you, you must have made it up, right?  

The worst part is not understanding how could a man, especially someone that a little girl adored as her only father since she was only a few months old, molest, rape and sodomize a 13-year-old girl.  Lord knows, there was probably instances much earlier on with her and tried with my other children as I later found out. He continued to do this to her IN OUR HOME 1-2 times per week for over 5 years until she left for college.  He would tell her that if she told, she would lose him and not have a father. She adored him enough to not say anything.

I can imagine the hell that she went through because I myself experienced a similar childhood with my stepfather.  Only I was blessed with him being killed on a camping trip, so I did not have to face him any longer and was able to get myself through it. However, my mom did not believe me and that hurt for a long time and made it harder to move on, but I did.  My mother and I were able to work that out later when I was much older. Johns family played the same game with my daughter, although all their own daughters had been molested by various foster children that were brought into the home when they were young, including John.  I don't have to wonder where the mental illness and repeat life experiences come from, that family was riddled with it.  When I look back now, it is so completely apparent and sends chills down my spine when I think about it.  I only wish I had known then, I wish I could have run...but I would not have been blessed with my youngest girl.  For that, I am thankful.  Just wish that their childhoods did not have to be so brutally horrific at the hands of this man.  Years of abuse that I could not stop, could not run but I did what I could at the time.

What I cannot understand or even fathom is how a man can stand over a child forcing her to sodomize him and to have sex with her without even a single bit of remorse or thought for what he was doing to this beautiful young girl.  His moments of sick pleasure will last a lifetime for her, for him he believes even now that he did nothing wrong.  What happens or snaps in a person, how do those of us that are not mentally ill learn to cope and handle what he has done?  I will always have a deep guilt from not knowing, how could I not know?  I was always working to support my family as I was the bread winner, I was forced out the house on purpose so he could live this monstrous life that he lead. He pitted the kids against each other all the time, I could not figure out why back then but makes perfect sense now.  Things are so incredibly clear that it makes me sick to my stomach thinking and writing about it.

Once my daughter left home for college, that is when he took up with the girlfriend.  The affair itself does not even play a factor in my mind.  I can care less about that part of the story.  If he had been a real man, he would have come to tell me he wanted out and I would have helped him pack.  He knows that, but he couldn't make it on his own, he needed me and used me to the very end.  A truly selfish monster in every way.  I did not realize until years later, two weeks after his sentencing, I finally put two and two together.  If you put this woman, Rachelle and my daughter side by side....they were nearly identical with the exception of their nationalities.  Hair, body type, height and weight.  I threw up for two hours straight.  It all made sense.  I often wonder how she would feel if she knew that, and how many men and women he was with while dating her and married to me and her being married as well, that he fooled around with.  She was nowhere near his ONLY ONE.   I had the District Attorney order several tests a few months after he was incarcerated the second time to check for AIDS and any other diseases. I continued my testing for over a year and thankfully they were all clear.  If I had gotten something he would be charged with that as well.  I did read where he was at least insistent on using condoms most of the time.  

As we got closer to the actual trial, I spoke with the DA on several occasions.  I was told that we were not plea bargaining and that we were going to trial.  He had 7 Measure 11 charges each with a minimum of 8.5 years prison time.  Plus multiple assaults and other charges totaling 63 years.

Two weeks before the trial things went really wrong....the District Attorney lied and tried to get away with it....the safety levy failed and there was no money for a trial...what happened next was unbelievable.

 

 

Post 6: And Now For The True Injustice....

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After John was arrested after the assault and put in a police car, he was insisting that I hit him and hurt him and to look at his back.  Of which they did and nothing was there.  They had him sitting in the car for nearly an hour while they questioned me inside.  Finally, the other officer told the officer that was speaking to me that he needed to take him in, he had taken my report, took photos of the texts to my kids, searched the garage and notated the phone contacts, messages, etc. being erased.  They both left and came back later when my mom, oldest daughter, and youngest daughter would all be home and be able to tell their sides of the story individually.

When I finished telling the officer what took place, he had a tear in his eye and told me to my face, "Ms. Rosenberg, you had about 15 minutes to live," and I asked him why.  He told me it is an extremely textbook for someone who has the intent to kill to empty their phone of messages, contacts and make them say goodbye to a family member as well as take a shower and be clean. I just stared at him blankly not able to speak.  Realizing that if I had not spoken up, that I likely would not be alive.  He would have been madder if I had lied to the police and said everything was fine.  I certainly thought of it, because I was so scared of this man for so many years.  But I got the courage, I knew I had to in order to protect myself and my children.  I am thankful for the courage I mustered up on that day, January 6th, 2012.

When the police returned, they spoke to each of my daughters and my mother individually.  They were there for several hours and searched the house and finished the report.  He was jailed for 45 days then released on his own recognisance.  The first week he was out, I dragged the recliner into the entryway and sat there with a 38 revolver.  Within 2 weeks, I had a good friend and Concealed Weapons instructor put together a class for me.  My youngest daughter and I attended the class and I learned how to shoot a firearm.  At the end of the all-day course, we shoot at a large silhouette target in order to be evaluated and pass the class, an officer comes to the range to assess our skills.  He walked up to my daughter's target first and stated to everyone to watch out for this girl, shes a sharp shooter.  Then I was next.  The officer looked at my target and turned to me to ask if my target had a name. I said, yes it does.  He then asked me if the instructor had taught us about "body mass" that when you shoot your target is in the chest area.  I said yes he did.  I asked him why he thought it had a name and he said to me the two shots between the eyes gave it away. Of course, I had to chuckle.

My daughter and I spent the last four years at the gun range honing our skills.  My daughter is a sharp shooter as well as I and certainly not afraid to tell about it or use our skills if necessary.  We even had a private meeting with the then Sheriff, Gil Gilbertson because I needed to go to our second house in Selma to get some of our belongings and were too scared to go out because after he was released of course he couldn't come to our house in Grants Pass, so he stayed at our home in Selma. When we met with the Sheriff it was to ask for an escort.  Because the budget had been cut, there was no one to go out with us but told us to go out ourselves armed, with a friend or two and be prepared to properly defend ourselves.  We never did go out, just not worth the risk. 

During the time he was first incarcerated, I informed his father and mother at the time that he had told me he was holding some "stuff" for a friend on the property.  I had no idea how much but it seemed like quite a bit.  I did not want to get in trouble as my name is on the property. Of course, at the time I had the support of my in-laws that I had spent the last 14 years of my life with, helping, etc.  He cryptically got the info on the phone, of which later we obtained the taping for the trial.  It was disposed of.  If this had been discovered otherwise, John would not have served less than 25 years in prison.  So time number one that I saved his ass!!  

While he was out from the middle of March to June, was a very scary experience.  He had been having a year-long affair as I have told already and she was still with him.  His family suddenly rallied around him and her and now I am the bad guy somehow.  I kept hearing how I set this all up.  Funny as I was laying on the couch at home when he came in from an all-night drunken binge and tried to take my life and seriously physically disabled me, but I planned it.  This whole concept that has been thrown in my face for years is ludicrous.  During these months, I was getting calls from the police stating that I was harassing Rachelle Johnson, a former employee that was working at State Farm across the street from my store (very convenient) while they were having their affair.  It got to the point that I had to get stalking orders against her.  Her crazy became very apparent to the judge and it was a no-brainer that I was being stalked and he dropped her ludicrous charges against me for stalking and gave me my orders against her. She still owes me $3,000 in court costs and I will continue to try to find her until my last day on earth. When your lying, it becomes really clear really quickly in court.  You tend to fall over your words and stories. It was quite entertaining.  Rachelle spent many days in the court room with us over the next 1.5 years.  She got to be at Grandpas funeral but not me.  It was clear that the family was siding with John, which was fine that is how family goes but don't point any fingers at me.  Your brother, your son, your uncle was a horrible person with severe mental and predator issues and now a criminal with quite a few charges.  This was before the molestation was brought forward.  Not my fault, these were his choices.  I did not ask to be assaulted, held hostage and all that good stuff.

The court battle was long and it would take me a year to put down all the unbelievable injustices that happened but I will cover the important ones. When he was first arrested, he had numerous counts kidnapping, 2nd-degree assault, 2nd-degree assault in the presence of a minor, marijuana possession (an amount equal to selling).  Later he would be charged with numerous molestation, rape and sodomy charges of a child added. Thankfully my daughter was brave enough to come forward once she felt she was safe to say something, but that is further in the story.

During the first few months, I was working with the District Attorney.  She was very responsive and I provided a wealth of information that was found on his computer, page after page of his criminal intent, sexually sickening incidents with men, women and young women barely under and just over 18 years of age and other things that would make your toes curl.  When I write my book, I will include these true documents that were written in his own words.  Words he never imagined anyone would see and such a small part of the overall picture.  If we had access to his email, messages, texts over those years it would have been something of a horror movie including the girlfriend having an abortion while I worked my ass off putting together a teaching gig to get him to his dream place, Australia.  I had to work and he got to play, heck, he even hooked up with men and women there.  Yep, I got to read all about it.  Anyways, more on that later.  

March through June were a series of court hearings on the assault charges.  I spent some time in the ER and many doctor visits from the physical assaults including 6 blown discs, and multiple myofascial tissues torn.  I could barely walk and morning were intensely painful.  Pain meds is the only reason why I could even move and get to work.  Amazingly enough it is law in Oregon that during the court proceedings and until we are divorced, I was required to keep the business open.  This was very difficult since I was under major duress emotionally and physically.  My employee essentially held the store together.  I was appalled.  All I wanted was out, why am I stuck with all the financial devastation, the bills, the attorney fees...EVERYTHING...while he sat there and not required to do anything.  Mr. Rosenberg is quite used to being taken care of, being the bread winner for 13 years it really wasn't that much different but it is when there is so much pain involved.  It was infuriating, completely unfair but not surprising.  I always get the short end of the stick.  I am going to court to defend myself twice a week for something I didn't even do.  Each court hearing would be postponed because John came up with one lame excuse after the other.  After all, he had a public defender so it cost him nothing.  I had a DA but I also had an attorney working on the divorce and accompanying me to some of the other hearings at $190 an hour.  After a couple months, I received some paper work that showed that John had signed under penalty of perjury that he had no assets, this is what qualified him for a public defender.  Of course, I wasn't going to have that.  I brought it up to the DA and my own attorney and although he could have been put back in jail for perjury, we started the first bleeding heart moment of the court for John by not doing that, but the courts took his FREE public defender away.  The man had $15,000 in a bank account (that he would never use to help the family) and he was living in our home that we purchased.  No assets, really?  So poor John then had to fork over the money he always told me he was saving for something that was very important, not family but for him.  I guess this would be classified as important, lol.

Shortly after having to get his own PAID attorney, I received notice that there was a court hearing for John.  He had stolen from a local store and they are pressing charges.  Little did they know that he was out on OR and should not be breaking any laws.  Thankfully the store did this, after the short hearing, he was found guilty of theft and because he was out on OR and broke that he was put back in jail.  Judge Hull tried to write it off as a misdemeanor and no big deal.  My DA at the time stood up for the law.  He was to break NO laws.  Judge Hull finally conceded and had him taken into custody that day.

While he was out, I received a text from youngest daughter while she was at a local park and seen John whom we had a restraining order against at the time.  He did not go the other way, he came towards her and gestured.  I called her and had her on the phone making sure she got somewhere safe.  Her friends were at the park so she was able to get to them but hid in the bushes.  I had my employee call the police while I had her on the phone.  He would not leave the park and stood there watching in the direction she was hiding.  Once the police were notified, my employee volunteered to rush to the park and get her while I stayed on the phone.  We got her back to my store very shaken and upset.  We spoke to the police.  We ended up with a hearing at the courthouse in which he as found guilty but had already been put back in jail for the theft by the time we had the hearing, so he was on a screen during the court hearing.  More charges, more lying, more everything.  Do you see where I am going with this so far?

That is all for now, hope to add more in a day or so.  It is hard when this man is out right now, and although I am not scared of him in general as I am personally prepared to do whatever it takes to protect myself and my children, it's infuriating that he is walking the streets FREE and I worry for my community.

 

 

 

Post 5: Dear John...

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Dear John,

It was 18 years ago this day, I was surrounded by family after a crazy night with some of my bridesmaids.  Remember how we were each staying in a rented house with those of our wedding party that could come up the night before.  Our hot tub didn't work but us girls didn't care, we got in any way. You and your guys had all the great amenities and everything worked at your place.  The next day was so windy, I was so worried about our outside wedding, we had a back up inside the venue, but you took the reigns and put your foot down and said were having it outside over looking the ocean just as we dreamed of.  I was glad you did, we were all getting so stressed.

I got ready, my little girl, Chelsea Rosenberg, dressed in a miniature version of my wedding dress (I showed it to you again on your sentencing day) and our daughter, Mariah in a similar dress but she was only 6 months old.  The dresses were so small and special like my girls.  We dated for five years, I waited a long time to marry you.  You said you were only going to do this once and this was forever.  I believed that.

We headed over to the house that overlooked the ocean there in beautiful Mendocino, it was our place.  We went there twice a year for the Wine and Whale festival for years.  We amassed a very nice selection of wine during those years, mostly to remember our trips there.  So naturally that is where we were going to get married.  I arrived at the house for the ceremony, family was already there  and as I walked towards the yard I will never forget the hand woven babies breath hand woven into the lawn to create the aisle.  Funny thing was, I didn't even follow the aisle, I kind of mowed right over it.  I was so nervous.  My dad and your day, my future father in law walked me down the aisle.  These two poor men had to practically carry me down the aisle to you, I had tunnel vision and was feeling faint.  I was nervous because it was a dream wedding so to speak.  I had waited for a long time to have a real family, a man who adored my and our children and that loved me.  That day, I believed I had that.

 

I remember the ceremony, we made our own customized vows with our officiant.  We included my children, giving them silver necklaces that had a sculpture of two parents wrapping their arms around a child.  Together, we gave these to each of my children, Michael and Chelsea as a symbol of you making the same vows to the children that you were making to me.  To love, honor and cherish and so on.

It was shortly after the wedding that we moved to Oregon right behind your parents.  I picked up my children and my entire life and moved it with my new husband.  Within months, the honeymoon was starting to end.  I lived in a 32-foot trailer with no heat or A/C on my in-laws property raising a 6-month-old, a 4-year-old and an 8-year-old.  You stayed behind to finish constructing our home that was burnt in a fire from arson from your former employees at your work that you supervised.  We lost everything, but it gave us a chance to start again.  But I had to leave my hometown, everything I knew and my friends to do so.  It took about 8 months to find a house, by this time you had finished the house back in Santa Rosa and moved to Oregon to join us.

When I married you, you were a hard working man.  You had nice things, you were a pretty good dad.  You were a good provider.  We had some crazy things happen in our lives, with the fire and you getting hurt (and yes you told me the truth on how you got hurt, not what you told everyone else).  But we had good things too, we found a beautiful piece of property that had everything you asked for, a beautiful daughter and two other great kids that were going to be raised in a country environment instead of a city one.  It didn't take long for things to change, however.  Little did I know the monster you were going to slowly become over the next 13 years.  It's amazing how you broke every single vow to the letter that you made this day 18 years ago, EVERY SINGLE ONE to all of us!

Looking back, I can see some of this behavior already in place.  But somewhere along the line, something changed in you.  I tried so hard to accommodate you in every way, with not working, any business you wanted to start, letting you stay home, taking on all the financial burden, holding down the fort while you did all the scout functions.  I did not get to participate in life with you and my family because I became the sole provider for our family.  I had no choice, you made it that way.  So many years of freezing cold, early mornings and late nights, barely surviving, the threat of losing our house...it was all put on me.  Candy will take care of it somehow, work more hours, find more work to do.  I did this for 8 solid years while I watched you fall deeper into a different person.  You were brutal to the kids, cold showers, stripped of their cool clothes for year,  four hour lectures, constant demand that they do all the chores late into the night while they watched you sit in a chair drinking beer barking out orders.  So many times, I started an argument with you to get your attention off of them.  I took the brunt of it. My children's recollection of their childhood in general is horrific because of you.  My own son ran away and later pulled a gun on you to get you to stop.  Does that sound familiar to your own childhood? You needed to be in control.  That is what you learned from your own father.  Only you didn't get the respect that your father did, you went too far.

Ironically I found my wedding ring and the promise ring I gave you 15 years ago yesterday, that I had been missing since moving a year and a half ago from the last home you and I lived in together.

The one that your sister and mistress (I didn't know at the time) helped us moved into. The one that asked where the bathroom was but knew all along. Looking back now, you must have been sweating the whole time, I find it rather funny now actually.  There were a number of times that she had to hide when I came home unexpectedly.  It was a good read how you groomed her on how to roll her car out of the driveway so I couldn't hear it and so much more.  You were brilliant in how you pulled off so many years of this.  I am actually quite impressed, I could never have done that.   But the worst part of this day in remembrance, is how its only been two days since you were released from prison. You were in prison for molesting my beautiful child, trying to take my life and so many other reasons.  You know the evidence, you took a plea bargain, otherwise you would have served no less than than 34 years in prison if we went to trial.  You are one lucky bastard that we lost our funding in our county at that time.  You know what you did, how proud are you of yourself?    I know your really mad that you finally got caught, sorry, but I wasn't going to let you take my life or tell me that myself and my family and your new family were all going to live together.   I decided that it was time for this to stop, it took this horrific experience to get me out and I am grateful.  Thank you for holding me hostage for the second time in my life, only this time I spoke up.  I haven't had to see you much over the last four years, often in court you were on a monitor or a phone.  So the thought of actually seeing you doesn't make me scared necessarily, but because I honestly don't want to see the face of the man that promised to take care of his family this day 18 years ago,  that  tried every way to destroy us.  Years of abuse, years of molestation of my child and attempted on others, years of cheating and affairs, extreme need for sexual prowess and perversion, years of "poor me", pretend disabilities and even some real ones in there too, years of being made to be the bread winner with no help and finally just moments to try to take my life because if you couldn't have me, no one will.  Your own jealousy based on what you were doing yourself and not reality, tripped you up.  You wanted your cake and eat it too.  

If I had had a way out, I would have ran as far and as fast as I could years before, but remember all those times you threatened me, that if I ever left, you would kill me or the children.  Interesting how that actually almost happened. Your own father told me that he was sorry that he didn't listen to me.  I even kept my promise to that man and I am thankful that he was not alive to know what you did to my child, I believe he might of killed you himself.  Of course your family believed you, I don't blame them, you are a master manipulator.  Your mother and father were so deathly afraid of you, it was so sad to hear what they had to say.  Funny how in the end, some of your own family members manipulated you and took full advantage of the situation.  They are a Rosenberg after all.   If they were just smart enough for one moment and took me out of the equation, they would have realized what kind of person it takes to feed off his own wife, carry on an entire double life and have other children and an abortion with a married woman.  The only thing I am guilty of was being unhappy watching you do all these things.  I apologize for not being able to fake it better.  As long as you were happy and got what you wanted, right?  No need to step up and be a real man, husband or father.  Instead, you were a lying, cheating, child molesting, deadbeat human being. Now how about that for some truth!!!!

 

I am most disappointed in the fact that you became EVERYTHING YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T BE!  I will never understand how you live with yourself, but I have learned that severe mental illness allows you to believe your own lies.  I, on the other hand don't have any illness to blame or help me to cope with the truth of the hell you reigned on us.  I had to deal with all that you have inflicted on this family without the advantage of no conscious or feelings. It makes me laugh when your family says, you have served your time, hell you even got to be taken care of for an extra four years.  That is all you know, everyone takes care of John Rosenberg.  You slithered your way through the court system, but you will serve a lifetime of hatred from those around you, knowing what you did no matter how many family members believe you.  You deserve pain and humiliation every day of your life, just as you have inflicted on each of us.  Most especially the lifetime of pain that you inflicted on an innocent child.  Its a little chilling to think how you believe you have done nothing and that I am lying about everything or somehow set you up.  If only we could have gone to trial, the evidence was so heinous that even your own lawyer got sick to his stomach when he seen most of it.  Yes, the lawyer that you had to pay for after you were caught lying on a form to get a public defender.  You were caught stealing on camera and lied about that although we all watched you on the screen.

 

 Your lies are all you know how to do, just like cheating you put it on me that I am the same.  I wish that I had lied many times, done anything to put you away forever but I didn't and I have to live with the consequences of not being that way right now with you being out so much earlier than you ever would have been.  I never broke a single vow, but I had to deal with more sickness than health, more poor than rich.  I stood by you to the end, I never once cheated on you and only kissed three other men in my life...your father, my father, and my son.  How dare you put your sickness on me, how dare you think that I am the same as you.  Never could I be that way, even after watching you do it to me for years.  I just became a workaholic so I didn't have to watch it as much.  Thankful when you left the house for a few days, the family could breathe and stop watching you on the computer doing porn and cheating.  It was a nightmare for us and the children.  

I could have put you away for 25 years from day one, but I didn't. Your father still owes me one.  I could have let you die when you threatened to kill yourself in front of our youngest daughter and took a bunch of pills to kill yourself, (of which I now know it was because you had a conscious for a moment back then of what you were doing to that child) but I felt guilty and didn't want my children to blame me for losing their father, so I went ahead and called the police to tell them.  I could have drove out to Selma anytime after you were released from jail the first time and took your life.  I sat on my living room floor with a 38 revolver in my hand ready to do just that, but thankfully for you, my dad talked me out of it.  He was worried because at that time I did not know how to shoot a gun, and you could have easily overcome me and taken my life.  Then who would protect my children.  So again, I let you live.  I didn't say a word in court, I filed the same things that all assault victims are told to file, restraining orders, stalking orders against the crazy ass girlfriend and so on.  Yet, I was being vindictive.  I wish that I had been, things would be very different right now.  I love how I have been called a liar, yet I am not the one that hasn't done anything. Every single word that I have said or put in writing can be backed up by a person or on paper including the 6 inch stack of messages that I got to read that were your own bone-chilling words on your escapades with men and women in local motels,  how you were setting us up to all be one happy family, the abortion, how you didn't want to lose your wife and family but you wanted to make her happy too, the trips you took, the times she was at our house, how to sneak in and out while I was home.  Even the funniest story of it all, when I came home early and you were in the hot tub.  The poor thing had to duck under the cover while I stood there and talked to you. You tried so hard to get me to go back inside asking me to get you a drink, etc. so she can escape somehow.  Then don't forget the day she was at our house helping us pack, she asked where the bathroom is when she knew all along.  And to think that your family has any respect for you or be able to believe a word you say.  It takes an incredible amount of deception and lies to pull this off for years, it was who you were.  You lived in your own fantasy world while I financed it.  I didn't do this, you did.  So I am the liar?  I have this stack of paper ready for  anyone that wants to come read it. I have the photos that the detective took of the many boxes of perverted "toys" including the one you used on my child and were sent in for DNA testing and so much more. Just be warned, it will make your toes curl.  I will not be called a liar!

I realize now that I was wrong, I should have been the most vindictive human being ever. You know what they say, if you are blamed or called it you might as well be it.  You and your family would have been obliterated if I was truly vindictive.  I will say that if I had known in the beginning what you did to my child, things would have been very different.  If I had known, you would not be walking nor would you be breathing.  Do you remember after the sentencing when you were walking down the hallway saying that everything I said that day was a lie (which you know damn well wasn't) and the detective said ok maybe she is, but is your daughter lying too?  Funny how you lowered your head and said NO.    Can you tell me why there was 20 photos of my daughter on the wall as you walked into the Selma house?  Not another photo of anyone, anywhere else.  It must of been hard when Chelsea finally got out and headed to college, you were even savvy enough to find a woman that was a near identical match to my child, I wonder if your mistress realized this.  And finally, this was never about your cheating on me, you had been doing that for years....I would have been the happiest woman ever if you had come to me and told me you wanted to be with someone else and lets get a divorce.  But you had it too good, right?  You had a charmed and incredible life until that day that you chose to be God.  YOUR REIGN OF TERROR WAS FINALLY STOPPED!  

All these years you have got to hide behind doors, walls, a computer, a phone then when you were caught, you got to hide behind the jail and prison bars, lawyers, mommy and daddy, sisters and nieces and nephews and even the court system.  But now that is all over, no one can help you now.  

YOU ARE ON MY TURF, you don't have control anymore, you now face the jury of the public and they don't sway like what you are used to.  They won't believe you because I have a mountain of proof.  Your own words, words, and actions you never imagined I and many others would get to read are here for anyone to read so they can see how insanely sick you truly are.  I have NEVER LIED, but you, that is all you know.  And there is a special place in hell waiting for you.... 

I would like to say that I hope you get better, but I know you are not capable.  When I look back all the way to the beginning, I can see the monster you became starting back then, it is who you are.  I would wish I never met you, but that means I would not have gotten one of the greatest gifts that I could be given and that is my daughter. Too bad you missed out on so much, you chose you.  So I wish you and you well.  I pray for anyone that comes into your life, I pray for their safety.  

Know one thing, I will never forgive you nor will I ever be quiet again, did you honestly believe I was going to let you just roll into town and feel sorry for you.  I will watch you be in your outside prison, treated like the monster that you are. Being in prison should be a cake walk compared to the "freedom" you only think you have out here IN MY WORLD!  I have an entire town behind me, you have no one and nothing of true value.  All I have to do is tell my story and tell the truth.  I have spent four years getting ready for you, I am not afraid of you, I am not someone that you have any control over any longer.  I am really sorry that I stopped you from your wicked plans, but remember one thing,  these were your choices, and for once in your life you have consequences.  Albeit you still get away with so much, that is what John Rosenberg does.  You can say whatever you think your truth is, I will respect that...but know that I will expect you to provide proof as I have and don't ever forget the universe knows what you have done and who you are.  And I will take solace in knowing that one day when you leave this earth, you will answer to a higher power and I can only imagine what your punishment will be then.  It makes me smile to think about it.

 

Look in the mirror, what do you see?  What happened to you, how do you live with the images of what you have done? Why did you do these things? What on earth did I and my children do to you?  Where did she go, what did you do to her? Are you going to get real and get help and stop hurting others? You told me for years that if anyone ever touched our daughters that you would kill them?  I believed you, so why don't you take care of it.  Give them the peace they deserve.

 

When I look in the mirror, I see a woman who endured many years of pain and suffering at the hands of a selfish man.  I see a woman who has overcome that life, I have had to still be victimized by you, your family and the court system but ultimately I won.  I won back me, I have a beautiful home, wonderful children, an incredible man and a rocking body...because finally, I can have those things.  You no longer have control, I am prepared to do whatever it takes to never allow you to touch any of us again.  But thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you did do that day, although I will live with it every day of my life, I also will now live every day of my life without you.  I'm grateful that I got out, not everyone does.  But I will help so many because of you, you made me a better person and gave me purpose.  You know all too well how capable I am, I will be seeing you on an advocate level, as my work is not done here.  You have to live with yourself, I don't, but scared for those that do.

YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DO ALL THE THINGS YOU DID TO US.  Why don't you just fess up and make amends at least with your demons!  I feel sorry for you, you had it all!  I know that the truth hurts and you want to say that it isn't so, but it is...there was no planning, no lies.  None of us ever asked for any of this, YOU and YOU alone did all this.  You just never imagined getting caught after so many years, you thought I was going to fold that day when the police came to the door.  And I thought about keeping quiet and saying nothing because I knew there would be hell to pay.  But I realized if I didn't say something, I was not going be alive.  I chose me and my children that fateful day on January 6th, 2012.  I am proud of myself for finally standing up to you and speaking out.  I am far from done.

 

  

Post 4: A little more....

Follow the story: The Beginning |  Post 2 | Post 3 | Post 4 | Post 5 | Post 6 | Post 7 | Post 8 

I apologize for the delay in getting more of the story on here.  Its been a rough month preparing for his release from prison. I have sat down a number of times but sometimes it is hard to put in words.  Being a single mom, owning several businesses and keeping everything going when you are disabled and strapped financially because you are responsible for all that he left behind and the choices his own family made.  I will NEVER forgive any of them, most certainly not John. 

 

So lets talk some more...

I was able to get into the car, I told Mariah to run and hoped to God that the door was open.   I had no idea if he was right behind us or not.  Jumped in the car and had to have Mariah steer because I was barely breathing and holding on to my ribs and chest.  We got the hell out of there and headed to my store in town.  On this day, my employee was not in and I left my oldest daughter and mother to run it while I was gone.  We got there and I could barely get out of the car and into my office.  The office manager came over to check on me and I told her what happened.  She said to go to the hospital but I couldn't shut down the store, there was only a couple hours left.  We would get through it.  

We finished out the day, we were all scared to go home but we had no where else to go.  When we got to the house, he wasn't there, thankfully.  All I could do was lay on the couch, it was very hard to breathe.  Later that evening, he came home.  He had obviously been drinking.  I asked him to just go to bed and sleep it off.  He refused.  A few minutes later, he disappeared into the garage.  I let him sit out there for over 45 minutes, I started to get worried so I got myself up in sheer pain to go out and check on him.  I found him sitting on a chair with his head between his legs, crying.  I asked him again to just go in and go to bed.  He apologized for what happened earlier and that he didn't know what came over him.  I said it was ok and lets just finish the night and start a new day tomorrow.  He started to quickly get emotional and say he needed to just drive away and disappear.  After about 10 minutes of trying to get him to stay, I didn't want him to get into the truck and drive drunk and hurt someone.  He would not listen, so I gave up and left it to the universe.  As I turned around to leave the garage, something brushed across my shoulders.  I looked up and it was a noose hanging from the rafter.  I ignored it and pretended like I didn't see and walked back into the house.  He drove away.

He did not return that night, I barely slept from the extreme pain.  The next morning, I heard my youngest daughter, Mariah leaving for school.  We said goodbye and the door closed.  A few minutes later, the door opened again.  I called out to her asking what she forgot or did she miss the bus?  No answer, but I heard that familiar sound of John's keys as he came into the living room.  He looked like a wild man on a rampage and I knew something was going to happen.  Little did I know just what was going to take place that day...  our lives were about to change.

As he came into the living room, my mom was sleeping on a stack of twin mattresses in the living room, my oldest daughter, Chelsea was sleeping on a blow up mattress on the far side of the living room.  He walked straight to the bed where my mom was sleeping and started to kick the bed, telling her to get her fucking bitch ass out of bed.  Telling her this was all her fault.  My mom was sleeping and woke up not sure what was going on.  He kept kicking the bed telling her to get the hell out of our house. My mom was trying to wake up and comprehend what was going on, and get up.  Meanwhile, John walked over to the bed where Chelsea was and grabbed her and pulled her out of bed and told her to get her god damn grandmother the hell out of here.  

He then turned his attention on me and told me to get my ass into the bedroom.  I can barely move, and was not moving fast enough so he grabbed me and pushed me down the hallway.  We went into the bedroom and I was trying to calm him down.  He told me I better get my mother and my daughter out of here immediately or he would hurt them.  I said I will get them out of here and for him to stay in the bedroom.  I went down the hallway, I thought he had stayed in the bedroom, so when I got to the living room I told my mom and my daughter to just go.  They are trying to pack up all their stuff and I am telling them to just leave it and go.  They can come back later for their stuff.  Meanwhile, I am trying to get moms attention to mouth to her to just go and call the police.  She is so upset and crying that she doesn't see me doing this.  Then suddenly, I felt a hand on the back of my neck.  And he says they are not leaving fast enough and you can tell he is getting angrier and angrier.  He is a very scary man when he is drinking and mad.  After 40 minutes, we finally get them in the truck and heading out.  I walk out the front door making one last attempt to mouth to my mom and daughter to call the police but again they are so distraught they dont see me.  I wave goodbye as John puts his hand on the back of my neck again and tells me to get the hell inside.

There is nothing like that feeling, just short of having a gun barrel pointed in your face.

We walk back in and he tells me to get my laptop computer, I hand it to him and he says turn it on and get online.  I do and hand it back to him.  He goes through my messages, email, etc.  I asked what the hell he was looking for.  He says it doesn't matter because I must of erased everything already. Which is funny since I don't ever do anything inappropriate, he was the kind of that.  But you know what they say, when you are doing it yourself you think everyone else is.  He got really frustrated because he wasn't finding what he was looking for.  He turned to me and told me things were going to be different from here on out.  That we were going to have someone else in our lives, another woman and her children.  I told him no we weren't.  He told me that if I don't cooperate he would kill me or our children.  Funny, I have been told that a million times, but looking at him at that moment he was crazed like you see in the movies.  

He then instructed me to grab my phone, he searched through that but it died just as he asked me to text someone.  I told him I would have to put it on the charger in the bedroom so he escorted me to the bedroom and I plugged it in.  Waited about a minute and told me to text both of my daughters, that it was all my fault.  I told him, no and I got back handed.  So I texted them.  Then he told me to call Greg.  Greg answers and I told him it was me and John grabbed the phone and proceeded to tell him that he hoped he enjoyed fucking his wife, and that he better watch his back.  I can hear Greg on the other side telling him he has it all wrong. The conversation continued for a couple minutes, then Greg just hung up.  I prayed that he would call the cops or someone.  He did, but I didn't know until later.

During the next two hours I was interrogated, told that I would never see my kids again and if I talked back I found myself slammed against the wall, and backhanded.  He slammed me against the corner of the dresser in the bedroom and I fell to my knees.  He walked up to me and grabbed my hair and pulled my head back and instructed me to say sorry and sound like I mean it.  It was at this point that I realized that I had to stop being a smart ass and just do what he wanted me to do. Right after this, he made me lay down on the bed and beg for forgiveness.  Once I did, he told me to take a shower so I was ready for what was coming next.  I did.  While in the shower, I was not sure whether to hurry or to go slow, I didnt know where he was or what he was doing.  I was not sure of anything except that I was going to lose my life that day.  I heard voices halfway through and thought for a moment that there is going to be more people involved, who knows what he had planned.  He made me be with other men before and go into a bar and pick up guys while he watched plus all the cheating who the hell knew what was next.

I quickly realized it was the police.  I completely froze, I can hear that someone called in a welfare check and they wanted to speak with me.  My thought process told me that if I say anything they might leave and I didn't want that to happen, so I froze.  After a few minutes and much arguing from John with the police that I was ok and they needed to leave.  They told him they were not leaving until they spoke with me.  So he finally called to me to come up to the door.  As I approached the door he whispered under his breath that I better keep my mouth shut.  I walked past him, with my hair up in a towel and just the jeans and t-shirt I had quickly put back on but no underclothes.  They walked me 50 yards from the front door while another officer stayed with John.  I only got one sentence out and he asked me to stay where I was faced away from the house.  The office walked back up to the door spoke with his partner and arrested John on the spot.  They put him in the car as he was yelling that I hit him and they need to look at the marks on his back.  So they looked on his back and told him nothing was there.  They walked me back in the house and sat down with me.  I started to tell them what happened.  After I told them the same story I told here, the officer looked me square in the face and said I had about 15 minutes to live.  They took John to jail and came back later so they could talk to my youngest, my mother and my oldest daughter.  While they were there, I told them about the noose.  We also found his phone sitting out there.  I looked at it and everything but 5 contacts was erased. All messages, all contacts, everything.  The officer and I both thought this was very strange.  They looked at the texts that I sent my children and took photos.  They took photos of me as I now had marks and bruises all over me from being bashed around. My back and ribs were swollen and bruised from the day before as well.  

I was instructed to go the hospital.  I did.  And it was documented.

During the next month, his family was supportive.  My in laws and one sister in law were well aware of how he was, I had a number of altercations and abuse with the kids over the years that they were aware of.  His own father was deathly afraid of him as he had an inhuman strength.  I was not vindictive in any way, but was angry and no longer wanted anything to do with John.  Our marriage was over.  He served 45 days in jail and then released pending the investigation.  During the time he was out he decided to steal from a local store that was caught on camera.  Thankfully this particular store, The Grange here in Grants Pass, prosecutes shoplifters.  So we went to court and he was found guilt as the video was quite obvious that he stole, although in John fashion he says he accidentally put the items in his pocket.  I dont know, but most people dont look both ways down an aisle before putting something they are buying into their pocket.  Its funny though how his family at this point started to rally around him, believing his side of the story.  They all turned on me and my children pretty quickly.  I get that he is family, but lets be real here.  Its funny that so many people think I was upset that he cheated on me and somehow made this all up.  I did not know about my child and him molesting her at this time, it would be another 6 months before I find this out.

So I cut off all communication with the family after they tried to get me to do things to help John.  I had already kept him out of prison for 25 years by not turning him for the 50 gallon drums of marijuana he had on the property, keeping a promise to my ex father in law.  The same man that turned on me viciously later.  I did not want to put my family in danger so I let them deal with it.  Yet, I am vindictive.  I let him live twice, yet I am vindictive.  If anyone is vindictive it has been the Rosenberg family.  More on those details coming as well.  

So the years of court begins and the discovery of who John Rosenberg really is..

 

Post 3: Over The Years...

Follow the story: The Beginning |  Post 2 | Post 3 | Post 4 | Post 5 | Post 6 | Post 7 | Post 8 

Its funny how over the years, I was  accused over and over of cheating yet I never had EVER.  But I sat there and watched this man that I called my husband slowly grow into the monster that he eventually became.  It started with the reunion, then it was chatting on Farmtown, then putting ads on Craigslist.  Eventually meeting up with other men and women, hotels, our houses, their house and god only knows where else.  However, what I didn't know until much later is during a 5 year period he took his sexual deviance to the ultimate sickness.  He molested and sodomized my oldest daughter, his step daughter.  All she wanted was his love and thought and was told that this was what love was.  She didn't know.  He carried on with this behavior several times a week/month for years, not only when I wasn't home but when I was.  Often late at night, he would go to her room and then come back to our room afterwards.  Later after the assault that eventually took place, I had to search our home at the request of the District Attorneys office for "items" that were in our home pertaining to this action.  If any family member does not want to believe me or my daughter, you are welcome to the same photos that eventually made his own attorney sick to his stomach.  I will never understand how a man could do this to an innocent child and live with himself.

But let's get back to the story, shall we...

I made a lot of changes in myself when I decided to stay married, and so did John, unfortunately for us his changes were selfish, controlling and sick ones. As time went on, the porn, conversations with others, staying up until all hours of the night on the computer.  So much so that I often woke up in the middle of the night and he was not in bed.  I figured he was just on the computer once again.  My youngest daughters bedroom door faced his chair in the living room and seen what he was on all the time, as he would quickly shut the laptop case when he heard anyone stir.  He did this at our store as well.  It became a family joke.  But I knew I didn't have a choice, I could not leave at least not alive or without my children.  So I stayed and endured.  I buried myself with work so that I did not have to see it, and so I can continue to support everyone.  He wanted his cake and eat it too.

In approximately 2009, I got a threatening phone call from John.  He was going to do something drastic, like kill himself.  I took off from work and got home to him gone but empty pill bottles on the counter and his vehicle gone.  My youngest was home, and had told me that he threatened himself with a gun in front of her, then left.  I will be honest in that I hesitated for a few moments first because I was not sure what to do as I was scared of him and saying anything.  Second, I really did hope he managed to hurt himself.  Then the pain he caused our family on a daily basis would stop.  But as I sat there, I realized that my children would blame me if I did nothing so I "saved" his life by calling the police.  They found him at the store, overdosed on prescription pills. (More real facts documented) He was taken to the hospital, but of course, he did not want to see me only HIS family.  I could not understand why, but I was ok with staying away, he obviously needed more help than I could give him at this point.  It was never really discussed after that until the day of his sentencing, more on that later.  I will again be honest in that if I had known what he was doing to my daughter at that time, I would have found it very hard to have tried to "save" him.  He was threatening suicide because he knew something only him and my daughter knew and perhaps the one and only time he felt guilt for what he was doing.  His family rallied around him, not any of us.  No thank you from anyone for calling and saving his life.  This would not be the first time I did this, either.  Yet again I am the bad guy.  

Years earlier, I had paid out of my own pocket for counseling for John in hopes of helping him after he finally agreed he needed some help.  The woman that he saw performed hypnosis on him, however, when it got to a point that it would have revealed what he was doing to my daughter he had built a safety wall.  To this day, the counselor it still in awe of the depth of his mental illness to be able to block something from hypnosis like that.   Mental illness and alcoholism runs deep in his family, fully documented as well as obvious outbursts.  Its rather ironic how John would make fun of his entire family regarding these attributes especially his oldest and and second oldest sisters.  And how ironic it is that one of them has stood firmly by his side during this entire situation and will be the one waiting for him when he gets out in a few weeks.  Two very sick individuals working together to do who knows what.  I have said before, Jeffrey Dahmer had family too, doesn't make what he did right.  I am perfectly okay with his family supporting him because he is "blood" but DO NOT accuse me or my children of lying or setting anyone up. Get real, we endured far more than you could ever imagine and when any of us came to anyone in the family we were told to just buck up and deal with it or JUST LEAVE.  How do you leave a very ill man that threatened you on a regular basis.  Lets see, when I finally did try to get away...he tried to take my life!  I TOLD YOU SO!

So moving forward a bit, my oldest daughter left for college.  I was thankful to have one more child out of the house.  I got my son out of there as soon as I could a few years earlier, as well because of the extreme abuse he endured and it was all that I could do.  So now she is out of the house and off to college.  I still know nothing of what he was doing to her at this point, of course.  It was later discovered that after my daughter left for college, he hooked up with an ex-employee of ours shortly after my girl left the house.  He carried on a year-long affair, wait much more than an affair...he carried on a complete other life with this MARRIED woman (side note: her husband was in prison at the time) and had a couple month old child with the husband and other children by other men all under 7 years old, I believe.  They had another home, our home along with other children together.  One was aborted while we were on a trip of his lifetime, I took him to Australia which was his dream place to go.  While we were gone, this woman aborted their baby.  I got to read all about it in their own words later after the assault, words they never imagined anyone else would ever read, most certainly not me.  The sickness between these two would make your toes curl.  The story of how I found out about them is quite entertaining too, but you will have to wait a bit for that.

What we discovered later, actually exactly two weeks after his sentencing I was thinking about things and my daughter and this woman popped in my head at the same time.  It is then that I realized that if you put these two side by side, they were nearly identical with the exception of their nationality.  Both heavy set, big curly hair, ample boobs, same height...you name it.  It was then that I realized just how sick this man really was. Let me tell you why....

After the assault in January 2012 (more on that later, sorry), I had gone out to our other house with my son, his girlfriend at the time, my youngest daughter and a family friend that carried a firearm because we had no idea what we were going to find. I had not been at that house but once or twice in years.  I did not go out there because it only represented many years of abuse for my children and a horrific life with this man, so I stayed away which was opportune for him and his sick ways.  He went out there weekly, as we had a cat that he tended to and it was a nice break for us all when he would go out there.  Of course, he carried on with this woman and many other men and women out there as well. When we arrived and opened the door, the very first thing you saw was the wall in the entry and it was covered in photos of my oldest daughter, the one he was abusing.  We are talking about 20 of them.  Now, realize also there was not a single photo of any of the other children, not even his own blood, wedding photo, photo of me...nothing.  Only my daughter.  We all stood there in complete shock.   He truly had a very SICK obsession with my poor girl.  It was bone chilling. Once the family friend looked around and determined that no one was there, he took off back to work.  As we went through the rest of the house, we found things that I am not even going to repeat here.  However, we found a large amount of marijuana, huge pickle jars full.  I called our family friend back out to be a witness and then called the police.  They told us to take photos and leave everything in its place and they would come out the next day.  Which we did.  John was later charged with possession due to the amount that was in the house.   We took photos of the entire house and the condition it was in, which was not a healthy livable condition.  We got out of there as fast as we could.

I got the photos to the District Attorneys office, met the police the next day, they confiscated everything took photos of everything as well.  Had to ask what some of the "sick and demented" items that existed in the house were.  I could not even name them.  All we knew was he was having a great time out there though.  Understand that during this time frame, he was crawling Craigslist and other "adult" sites to find people to meet him, him and his mistress at the house out there, our house together and the other woman's house, along with numerous hotels and other locations locally and out of town. And for the record, I have this in his and her own words.

Keep in mind, we still do not know what all he has done at this point that we entered the house.  At the time of entering the house and finding the photos, etc. he was in jail for the assault only at this point. So to help in keeping this the least confusing as possible, lets go ahead and move forward to when I found out about this other woman,  so I can work backwards again for you to better understand.  

After nearly five years since the first kidnapping and me deciding to hold the family together to protect my children and myself, things came to an abrupt stop when I was paid a visit one day.  Months earlier, we had been, or should I say, John had been feuding with our neighbors.  The neighbors were being threatening and quite over the top.  I needed to leave town to go to a Collins Group show to teach classes in the craft industry and things were escalating each day with the neighbors, so I told John I will contact our cellular company and get a print out of their threatening text messages and we will deal with them after that. We were also in the process of moving and had an ex-employee that had been coming around for a few months to the store offering to help and looking for a job with me again plus offered to help me move.  I took her up on the offer as I just had to get moved and all my friends were busy.  A few weeks later, I left for my show leaving this woman, my crazy sister in law, John and anyone else he could get to help us move.   Two days after I returned, the ex employee that just helped me move, befriended me and my sister in law and so on, called me asking if I had a few minutes to meet at the store and I said yes but that I needed to leave shortly for an appointment.  She only worked right across the street, so it should be fast.  She showed and met with me in my office asking to sit down and talk to me.  Would you like to guess what the conversation was? 

"I just cant do this anymore, I care about you more than I thought I would and I have to tell you something."  Ok, Rachelle, what would you like to tell me?  "Your husband and I have been having an affair for over a year"  I hesitated for a moment, and out of reflex I would have liked to lung at her, however, my legs went numb from the knees down and I had to think fast. So I say, "It will take me 3 seconds to get to your throat, you have exactly that much time to get the hell out of my office." I don't even remember her getting up and leaving or anything except that I got my legs back and I stood up, turned toward the door behind me and walked into the hallway and passed out.  The office manager of the building next to me found me and got my conscious again.  I told her what happened.  Once I got my bearings, I grabbed my phone and walked outside to call my husband.  I asked him if he wanted to explain why Rachelle was here.  He says to me, "she is crazy and making up stories because I wont help her."  All I had to say was get real, I am not that stupid, just tell the truth for once in your life.  And he said that what she said was true.  I hung up.  I then made a second phone call, this was to my mortgage broker as we were in escrow on a house that was to close in just 2 weeks.  To add injury to insult, I later found out that the home we were buying was only a across a highway from the girlfriend.  Can we say setup?  It still sends chills down my spine thinking of where this was all heading. 

That was October 25th, 2011.  The next two months were a blur of, please don't leave me, I love you and the kids more than anything, it will never happen again, I was wrong, I am sick, I will get help.  And as most women, we believe them.  After a month and a half, I let him come back to the house for a meal. I figured the kids were missing him.  That was one of my biggest mistakes.  Pretty soon, he lived back with us in our house.  But I wasn't going to be stupid AGAIN and believe it was going to stop.  I purchased a very expensive, very stealth program that was installed on his system that I could watch everything he did on there anytime without him knowing or being able to find the program.  This was a very "special" piece of software.  

I would sit at work watching him go to porn and fetish bondage sites, talk to a dozen different women and "young" women including one day where he spent 3 hours talking to a former girl scout of my daughters troop that just turned 18 at the time, trying to convince her to let him be her "DOM," meaning dominate her in a bondage situation.  He spoke about the crush he has had on her for years and how happy he is that she is 18 now.  She didn't really respond the way he had hoped, thankfully! So when he was done with this 3 hour session, I called him at home and said hello and asked him what he was up to.  He said that he was doing laundry, and was going to get in the shower to come down to work on some projects he needed to get done for clients.  I said ok.  And that type of lying continued and I let others see it so that there was proof.  I took screenshots, I later gave those to the police.  You see, John does not realize just how lucky he really was to get off with only four years.  If we had not lost our county safety levy (county money) and went to trial, he would have been more than 70 years old when he would see the outside a prison cell.  I had already saved him from a 20 year sentence working with his dad on a promise that I made.  But yes, I am still the bad guy.  lol.  John Rosenberg just seems to slide like the slithering snake he is out of many horrific things he has done.  However, he will never truly be free because the truth will always be the truth, no matter how many ways you lie about it.  Karma will indeed take care of him, that I believe in fully and is the reason why I am not the vindictive person I have been made out to be.  It has been really hard because I could have put him away a long time ago without going through all this.  So Karma, please do your job.

So I knew that I could not continue this marriage.  I needed to get out, but how.  My mom and my oldest daughter had come down for Christmas.  While they were here, I had been contacted by a very dear friend of mine from back in my just out of high school days.  I let my mom know because he was one of my moms favorite.  Greg was always my savior back in my party days, I can always count on him if I felt in trouble or needed a ride or a place to stay.  Greg and I NEVER dated, not because I didn't have a crush on him as all the girls did, but he didn't have a thing for me.  It was ok though, our friendship was way more important.  I had only heard from him about a year earlier but only talked once back then and didnt talk again.  I told my mom that I would get a hold of him because I found out he only lived an hour and half away and she would be excited to see him.  So I arranged it.  Of course, I dont dare say anything to John about it, that would never be ok.  Never mind all his cheating and the old adage of if your jealous your doing it.  I just wanted for my mom to see him so I just went behind his back which was ridiculous that I even had to do that in the first place.  We met in Crescent City at the main beach and hung out for a couple of hours.  My mom and us all just talked about the old days, about his injuries and problems he has had over the years.  I talked to him about my marriage when he asked.  I was always proud of being married so long, for keeping my vows and couldnt understand what was wrong with John.  I also told him about the affair, the whole other life that he created and that I was very scared.  He said to call if I need him.  We all said our goodbyes, my mom and I went and got lunch and drove back home.  My mom was so happy, it was worth it.  My mom had just moved back from Kentucky so it was a treat all the way around.  Because I am not inherently a liar, I ended up saying something.  Little did I know that it could have cost me my life.

A couple weeks later, I got a threatening text from John asking what the f*** I thought I was doing cheating on him.  I told him I did not do that at all.  Of course, he had been drinking and would not believe anything that I said.  He was getting more and more irate and was at the house, basically destroying the inside of the house.  I knew that my youngest was going to be home from school soon, so I ended up leaving my oldest daughter who was down at my store to run it since my only employee went home sick that day.  I needed to diffuse the situation before my girl got home.  I got there and my youngest was on the porch.  I asked her what was going on and she said things are flying inside.  I told her to stay outside no matter what.  I went in and could see that the entire floor of the kitchen was covered in the trash from the trash can.  I am asking him to calm down and he is tellin gme to shut the you know what up. I walk further into the kitchen, walking over trash on the floor and he is standing there with a beer in his hand obviously very drunk and mad.  He threw the beer bottle at me, I ducked and it missed.  I walked towards him to try to calm him down and he just kept accusing me of everything under the sun.  Which I of course screamed back at him about how come he thought he could say anything since he was the cheater in this marriage.  At one point, I looked over my shoulder and could see an imprint and beer splashed on the wall from a bottle he had thrown earlier so hard that the fluid ounces could be read on the wall.  At that point, I knew it was best for me to leave and grab my daughter.  I turned to go through the living room instead of through the trash again in the kitchen.  As I turned, he grabbed me.  He scooped me up into his arms and picked me up off the ground as far as he could.  He is 5' 9" so I was pretty far off the ground when he slammed down with all his strength straight on my back with all fours in the air. 

This knocked the wind completely out of me, he quickly jumped over the top of me.  I had let out a scream and my daughter came bursting through the door, I looked up at her from the kitchen floor and told her with the little breath that I had to "RUN, get the hell out of here," she said, "No, I am not leaving you here with this bastard."  John was completely stunned and it gave me the opportunity to scoot out from under him and run towards the door, slipping on trash and hoping that my keys are still in my purse by the door.  I grab my purse, and my daughter and I run towards our car.  I have no idea if he is right behind us or the car was locked.  Thankfully it wasn't locked, I jumped in and my daughter ran around the other side and got in.  I locked up the car and started the engine.  I had to have my daughter do the steering wheel, I could barely do the gas and brake pedal because my ribs and back hurt so bad.  My daughter was only 14 at the time.  We made our way back to town to the store.  My other daughter was still there along with my mom.  All I could do was get inside and stand there barely breathing....

I should have called the police, but I was too afraid....

 

 

Post 2: The story continues....

Follow the story: The Beginning |  Post 2 | Post 3 | Post 4 | Post 5 | Post 6 | Post 7 | Post 8 

As I stood there in the courtroom, his attorney interrupted the proceedings.  She stated that there may be a conflict that she must bring to the court's attention.  Johns attorney and the judge were both parts of a barbershop quartet singing group and seen each other for practice 3 times per week.  

My attorney asked the judge to give her time to speak with me and then asked me to step out in the hall.  The universe is definitely amazing and fast.  She asked if I thought it would be a conflict. Of course, I said yes.  The proceedings for the day were stopped.  This was a Friday.  We both walked out of court our separate ways.  At this time, John had full access to the mail store and could come and go as he pleased.  He showed up after the hearing.  I told him to give me the weekend to figure out what I wanted to do.  I was either going to nail his ass to the wall (little did he know the evidence I had at the time) or I was going to work this out.  Obviously, at this juncture of our lives I had no idea what he was capable of, however, I did know how cruel, mean and manipulative he was.  For instance, he was paying for his attorney from a payout that we received from an auto accident.  Shortly after we split up after the kidnapping, he went to our PO Box and took two checks that came in, one in my name and one in his.  This was a total of $15,000.  My check was for 10k because I could not leave work to get physical therapy like he did.  Even though married, he could not cash it, so he deposited in the business account and then drew it all back out. Signed my name and everything.  The bank was in quite a bit of trouble but did nothing about it.  It was all the money I had and needed to pay bills.  He was generous enough to give me a few thousand dollars I needed to keep the store running.  What a generous guy!

I spent the weekend, mulling over everything you could imagine.  But the most important factor was to not leave my children alone with this man.  Who would protect them from his overbearing abusive behavior towards them?  At least when I was in the house, I could deter the attention away from them to me, but if I am not in the house then god only knows what would happen. So I did the only thing I could do, told him we were going to work this out.  He then moved in with us in town, going back and forth to the Selma house to "take care" of it and the cat that he got my youngest daughter as a way to get her to come out to the house when we split up.  We weren't allowed to have pets at our house.

We lived in that house together for quite awhile, then moved next door to a larger home that was the same landlord when it became available. Within 6 months of moving into the larger home, John had a high school reunion that he headed down to Northern California for.  During the time that we got back together, although I was not happy in general, I decided to make some changes, knowing that I am not perfect either..  I honestly wanted to make my marriage work, but needed him to make changes to.  I changed and waited.

John went down to the reunion and I was genuinely happy for him.  In our early days together, his high school years were always something that made him lit up.  Mine were hard years, so I was the opposite.  I wished him well and sent him on his way.   A few months after he returned, I had come home a little early which never happened.  He was in the shower when I walked into the house.  He had left his computer on the arm of the couch which was right by the door.  It was open and on and I glanced down.  He was having quite a conversation with a woman.  I could hear him coming out the shower so I hurried to the kitchen and pretended like I didn't see anything making noise so he knew I was there.  He ran to the computer and closed it quickly.  We went about our evening, I later asked him who he was talking to.  He said that it was an old high school chum.  That was the first sign that I had that he may be cheating on me on the computer.  I still did not even put together that it might be physical too.  I was naive in that department.  I didn't understand cheating, at this time we had been together for over 12 years and I had only kissed three other men...my dad, his dad and my son.  

A few months later, he told me he had some friends coming through town and they were going to camp out nearby.  I thought that was great.  I told him to go ahead and go and have fun.  I only had one request, if he was drinking to stay there.  He pretended to argue with me that he wanted to come home and I told him not if he is drinking.  I didn't care to be around him when he drank first of all, second, I didn't want anyone getting a ticket or an accident.  Ultimately, since I was the breadwinner I would be financially responsible on top of anything else that could happen.  There is a long history of alcoholism with him and his family and although he was pretty good about keeping his drinking to a minimum during our time together, I did not care to be around him if he had more than one drink.  Later I found out that this same woman from the reunion was there and he also went out to see them all again on their way back.

As time went on, I continued to work.  I had set him up in a number of businesses over the years, and he had some training from the state early on when we moved.  After 1000s of dollars of investment he never really did anything with any of them except take care of a few clients bulk mail jobs.  He had a huge space at the store dedicated to this and would come in sporadically to do the jobs.  I paid all the bills associated with it but he kept all the money and never contributed to the family or business.  I felt like if it kept him busy at least it kept him out of my way. He would come in from time to time to do his "bulk mail" business.  I was constantly having to answer to his clients why the work wasn't done, etc.  The only thing I ever asked was to come in at a set time a few days a week so I would not have to field all his calls from irate customers.  It made the store look bad.  I didn't care if it was 11 am or 2 pm, just some consistency would be nice.  Let's just say this never happened.  Later you will learn what he was actually doing with his time.

This went on for years, but he would come in more often at some points.  His area had walls surrounding it so he was on his own.  If myself or an employee walked towards his area you would here a few clicks of the computer or the top of his laptop being closed.  During these years, it became extremely obvious that he was spending a lot of time talking to "others" and going on porn and fetish sites.  He got more and more blatant about it both at work and at home.  I grew tired of watching it and the rolling of my kid's eyes.  I was very unhappy and knew that I had to find a way out.  I put on a smile each day for work, at home and elsewhere but I was so hurt inside. I just turned to my work and became a workaholic.  I did crafting when I could with my few girlfriends, that helped.  But most of the time, I was treated like I could be doing something else besides crafting.  

I did not have many friends and lost a number of employees because John was very inappropriate around other women.  Both physically and verbally.  So I only kept a few women friends.  I most certainly could not have male friends as John had always been insanely jealous our entire relationship.  This only grew worse over the years and as he cheated more and more, which is textbook.  I was not allowed to lose weight, if I did, he would accuse me of being with someone else.  So it was just easier to stay heavy, that way men wouldn't look at me and I would not get verbally attacked.  I never did that to him even when I knew he was on the computer, quite honestly I didn't care anymore.  I was only there to take care of and protect my children the best I could.  I tried to give them all that I could now that we didn't live so far out in the country. What I didn't have to give is my time.  That was because I had a husband that was so busy on porn crap that he didn't help the family financially.  I had to run several businesses and make money any way I could including crafting.  God forbid I should have an actual hobby.....

 

The beginning....

Follow the story:   Post 2 | Post 3 | Post 4 | Post 5 | Post 6 | Post 7 | Post 8 

 

With any story, there is good with the bad...Bad people are not typically born bad, they learn this from either their upbringing or events or mental sickness in their life.  This is my story, I will tell it with the utmost truth keeping emotion out of it as much as possible.  I will present facts that I can substantiate with others and on paper as I have always done as well as my first-hand account of our lives and what happened.  I lived this, there is NO ONE  that can tell me this did not happen, I will not allow it.  It is the time that my friends, my family and his and even John see the pain that was inflicted on myself and my children.  Perhaps it will help someone to get away before it is too late.  

Note: I will self-edit as much as possible, but often I am just trying to get the story out so please bear with me.

 

 

Lets Start....

John and I met in Northern California in Cotati, California at my home bar, Spankys. I had been playing pool seriously, much like I get to do now, and this was MY place.  It was NOT customary for me to date anyone from a bar, I never gave out my phone number, etc.  Although the night we met was interesting as I had not been out for awhile as I had just had a baby, my daughter Chelsea.  My best friend, Laurie, had begged me to come out. I had been home with my newborn for almost 2 months.  I asked my mom to watch my son and my newborn so I could hang with the bestie.

Of course, I had not drank in almost a year, so it did not take much to get a buzz going on.  I was just out playing pool hanging out with my girl when I noticed a couple guys playing, one I recognize from my "downtown cruise" days, I later found out that he had a mad crush on me back then.  I am a people person, so it's always cool to run into someone you know. I walked across the room to say "hi" but honestly I could not place him.  It wasn't until later that I figured out who he was.  It didn't take much to get me buzzed since it had been nearly a year, John had asked me out to his car and I obliged.  We talked and even kissed, but I am not the type to go home with a guy.  Apparently, I gave him my phone number and we called it a night.  Laurie got me home.  Because I did not remember giving him my number, I wasn't waiting for a phone call, etc.  It was just nice hanging out with a friend.

Two weeks went by and he called asking me out on a date.  Years later, I asked him why he waited so long.  He said he was too scared and that he had a crush on me for a long time.

We began dating...

Right off the bat, I realized that he had an alcoholic tendency and he explained it was prevalent in his family.  I told him very early that he would have to choose between alcohol and us.  He chose us and I will say for the most part he held to that all the years we were together. Fast forward a number of years, John was a supervisor for a trucking company and was a very skilled diesel mechanic, often on call and made good money during the years that we dated.  He paid his bills and had bought his house on his own, while I did not work. I was a stay at home mom. He asked us to move in with him. I did with my son and baby girl.  Five years after meeting him, he asked me to marry him. We got married and I had my baby girl, Mariah that same year.  I already had a beautiful son, aged 5 when we met and my daughter, Chelsea who at the time we met was only a few months old and 5 years old when we married.  Mariah was 6 months old when we got married.  Mariah is our only child together.  We had a beautiful wedding on the Mendocino coast with close 150 people in attendance on April 25th, 1998.  We were both ocean people so it was perfect.  We had family and friends and all three of the children.  It was an amazing ceremony where John made similar vows to the children, to love, honor and cherish, etc., we gave them each a necklace.  We were a family.  I didn't have siblings growing up, I later had a brother that my dad and stepmom adopted but they lived in another state.  Now I had this big extended family including grandma and grandpa, three sisters in laws, awesome nieces and nephews, more aunts and uncles.  I was so happy!

"Our wedding day, little did I know that all the vows that he made to me and my children that day would be broken"

This was a layout I did in 2007 of our wedding.  On that day, I made vows that I kept to the very end.  However, I was there through more sickness than health, poorer than money, and stayed absolutely faithful through our entire relationship and marriage.  He did not keep his vows, with the exception of til death do us part.  On January 6th, he decided he was going keep that part of the vows by taking my life...he did not succeed.  I will tell more about that later.

Shortly after being married, his parents, after making a number of trips to Oregon announced they had found a place and are moving.  We talked about moving there but it would be a number of years before we had enough equity to move.  Months later, we had our house burned down from disgruntled workers at Johns work, while we were on a family trip.  Long story short, it took over a year to go through the sifting of burned possessions to rebuilding the house and putting it on the market.  It sold...and we moved to Selma, Oregon.

 

I came to Oregon six months prior to John and only a month after our wedding with my son, my daughter and now our 7-month-old baby girl. We lived in a 32 ft travel trailer on my in-laws property across the street from Lake Selma Resort, Mariah learned how to walk in a 12-foot corridor.  No A/C because they would not allow it, and freezing in the winter.  Not the greatest living situation, but I was committed to my family.  I looked around for months for homes and property to purchase, but it was a crazy real estate time in 1998.  Finally, after months, I found a 17-acre property only 3 miles from the in-laws in our price range.  It had a mobile home which I was very against, but it had a shop that John so wanted, so I agreed in order to make him happy.  We were quite a ways out of town as well nearly 26 miles but it was a peaceful and nice piece of property.

Before we left California, John had been hurt on the job. So his story goes, later found it that was not the truth.  So when he arrived in Oregon, after finishing rebuilding our home in California and buying in Oregon, he was unable to work.  He was unable to do very much and I set out to find work. I found a job the same day that he forced me to get out and look for work, I literally walked from one end of town to the other knocking on doors until I found one.  I worked for a local businessman for some, learned how to navigate the Internet and make an online mall, I later managed this same person car lot.  It was an interesting job.

Late 1999, I had told John that I wanted to open and mail center after having a hard time running a graphic design business in such a small town.  We found a place and set out to go into business.  John came to town and helped a bit, the State helped to pay for him to retrain, so he traveled to another state to be trained to become a Bulk Mailer.  We would integrate this into our mail center.  He did some jobs, not very many, he wasn't very motivated.  I was stuck running the store, and keep my graphics business going at the same time.  It was long days, 6 days a week when we lived so far away.  When I had the graphic design business I would work 7 days a week, 14 hours a day and travel 52 miles round trip to home and back and barely made mortgage.  This small town was hard to make a buck.  After almost three years of struggling, and not being able to pay our bills and almost losing our house twice, I was ready to give up.  That is when I saw the store where I am still located into this day, starting our 17th year, was for rent.  But we had no money.  I borrowed it, I did a ton of trade to get signs, I sold some things to get the cash for other things.  I convinced the landlord to give us a chance, to discount our rent for the first year.  I PULLED IT OFF and in May 2000 we opened our doors at our new location that was right downtown.  Although I am a success now, it was still a struggle.  I put out a lot of money trying to motivate John in whatever business he wanted to do, rented warehouse, offices, etc. but he never really put any effort into it.  He mostly sat on the computer watching porn and talking to other men and women on a regular basis for many years.  And I could do nothing about it.

We lived in Selma, Oregon for about 10 years until the first time he held me hostage on our property.  I lived in a hoarders world, you could barely get in our front door because I wasn't allowed to throw anything away.  John took after his father.  Often when John and my son would go on Scouting outings, I would load things in my truck and take it down to the dumps, funny how he never really missed things.  I could not be too obvious though so I never got to clean the areas I wished I could.  I lived with a man that liked to live in a home that was wall to wall furniture and things everywhere.  And he would be happy if nothing moved for 2o years. It drove me crazy.  I could not have anyone over my house except my in-laws because their house looked the same.  My kids never had anyone over either. I was always sad living that way.

John, as was his father, was a strict disciplinarian.  But to the point where it was borderline abuse.  If my son didn't go out late at night and get the firewood chopped while John sat in his recliner with a beer in his hand. my son would withstand cold showers. We lived in the country on a well so the water was colder than it would be in a city, he would make him stand there for over 15 minutes until he turned blue.  I would start fights with John to save my children from this and other "abuse" as best I could.  He would lecture my children for hours on end and literally say the same thing 1oo different times until their eyes rolled into the back of their heads and were literally falling asleep.  Again, I would pick fights with John to direct the attention away from my kids.  This is a revolving cycle of abuse.  But what my children saw was that we were always fighting.  Later, they would learn what I was doing and I paid an incredible price pointing the abuse towards me. But I did what I thought was best at the time, it saved my children.

"This is grandpa in his element and the way we remember him, I am sad that he did not stand with us and chose his son because of fear"  

At one point, realizing his dad loved old westerns and I quickly figured out I could rent movies to watch and we would come over the in-laws house and spend 5 nights a week at their house until 11 pm at night.  I did this so that the abuse would be minimal at home and would find reasons not to be home because of what he would do with the kids.   When we had the mail center, we would gather the kids in the early AM and deliver them to their different schools in Grants Pass.  We lived in Selma, but I would fight every year to allow them to go to Grants Pass schools as we worked so far away from home.  My youngest was in Kindergarten and I could not be home to greet them.  Each year was an incredible fight, but necessary.  Our winters were very cold, the wood heat only heated the living room, I would wake up with wet bedding from the condensation and run to the bathroom turn on the shower and run back in bed in the morning.  Being very careful to get in the same exact spot to not get wet.  I swore if I ever got out of there I would never be cold in a home again.

Six days a week I traveled almost 60 miles round trip to the mail center, some days John came in and some he didn't.  I basically ran our business from day one.  If I were sick or didn't feel well, I was there. If John didn't want to be, he could stay home.  That has been the way it was from 1999 to today.  Still the same.  He did not have to work and I basically became the breadwinner.  Although John was "supposedly" hurt on the job before we moved to Selma, he refused to apply for workers comp or disability to help his family financially.  He sent in papers once, got turned down and announced he was done. Leaving me financially responsible for our family, even though he had a savings and stocks.  I just did it and did it for MANY YEARS!

The summer of 2008, was the first time he held me hostage on our Selma property.  We were all leaving for work, my son knew how to drive at this time and we took two cars in.  We left the house and barely got down our street when he stopped the car, told the girls to get in the car with their brother and sent them to town to the mail center.  He then turned around and drove towards the house.  I can tell something was wrong and grabbed my cell phone to try to call 911.  He screeched to a stop jumped out of the car and came around my side as I was opening the door to run to the neighbors.  He grabbed my cell phone and threw it in the car and shoved me back in the car telling me to stay there or he will kill me.  He drove up our driveway and for fours hours he lectured me, threatened me and told me how life was going to be moving forward.  That I was going to work, clean house, make dinner, take care of the kids, take care of his needs, etc.   During these four hours, I realized pretty early to just play along, to tell him what he wanted to hear but he would just keep going.  He had a ton of guns and I feared for my life, so I just said what I needed to.  It was warm out and many hours had gone by, he was getting tired.  That was my opportunity to try to get him to go to town.  Of course, I worried about my kids, my work and living through this.  I convinced him that I will do all the things he said and go to town but I insisted on driving because he was so tired.  It was a long trip to town.

Only a couple miles down the road, he was fast asleep.  The drive to town is very windy and long but I drove over 70 mph hoping and praying to pass a cop that would pull me over.  No such luck.  I would have to slow down if he looked like he was going to wake up.   I get to my store, he dropped me off and told me to keep my mouth shut.  The first thing I did was call the Boys & Girls Club where she was after school by the time we got to town.  I told the lady on the phone what happened and mid-sentence, John gets on the phone and says to me don't worry I have our daughter.  I freaked out.  Of course, my employee at the time is worried and doesn't know what to do.  Hell, I didn't know what to do.

I vowed to not go back and got the children and tried desperately to find a house with barely any money.  I had to rent a house in town that rented weekly for $400 a week because there was nothing available. I would lay awake at night jumping at every sound just waiting for him to show up and praying that I made enough money to pay another week.  Thankfully the front office lady at Mariah's school had a rental in the paper that I called a few weeks later.  I explained the situation and we discovered who she was.  She was nice enough to let us in with first months rent.  I barely had it and make payments on the deposit.  There wasn't a place far enough that we could go that he couldn't come find us and drag us back.  Even his own parents were afraid of him, when they told me, I asked them what am I supposed to do and they couldn't say anything.

We lived in fear for months in this house, it was hot in the summer and we had no air conditioning but I was too afraid to leave any windows on the first-floor open.  It was a tiny two-story house outside of town but there were neighbors close by and the landlords only lived two house over.  So I felt a little safer.

"Our local courthouse, little did I know how many days and years I would spend in this place over the years"

I went to court to get a divorce, 8 months had passed. John lived in the Selma house and we lived in town.  One day I got a call from the landlord saying that my driveway was full of stuff.  John had come by when we were gone and filled our entire driveway with everything from my son's room.  I would find other clues that he had been there multiple times, it was scary. We stood in court during our first hearing and because I was the breadwinner and John was the stay at home dad, the judge was talking about giving him physical custody and the kids live with him in Selma.   This made no sense and made my head spin with anger and fear.  Right then in court, I thought to myself, UNIVERSE YOU BETTER DO SOMETHING RIGHT NOW!  And amazingly enough, it did.

Story will continue....